The Pain of Loss
by Sashi
Summary: Kagome returns home to find that it has been ravaged with a nuclear holocaust. Over time, she will struggle through the 5 stages of mourning. Will she ever free herself of the weight on her shoulders?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all related characters and objects are property of Takahashi Rumiko and Viz. The only thing I own is this storyline.

* * *

"That wench sure is taking a long time." Inuyasha grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall stubbornly.  
  
"Inuyasha, she just went home to restock on supplies. She said she'd be back on the hour." Miroku said calmly, taking a sip of the tea Kaede had just offered him.  
  
"Yeah, learn some patience, would ya?" Shippo piped up, promptly receiving a strong blow to the head.  
  
"I'm plenty patient!" Inuyasha huffed, sticking his nose high into the air as he tended to do when offended. He ignored the others' responses indignantly and stood up, about to leave, when a familiar figure blocked his exit.  
  
"Took ya long enough, We-." He began, but stopped when he saw her expression. The inhabitants of the hut all shot to their feet and huddled around the young miko, asking what was wrong. Kagome's usually sparkling eyes were glassy and wide. Her mouth was hanging open slightly, and once in a while she would take a quick intake of breath and gasp it out. Her body shook, and her complexion was unnaturally pale.  
  
She looked slowly at each member of her group and began muttering incoherent words. They couldn't understand what she was saying. Words like ...World War III...atomic bomb...nuclear annihilation. They were starting to become worked up when her eyes rolled up into her head and her fragile body crumpled, being caught by Inuyasha's steady hands before it could hit the ground. He carefully laid her body on the futon in the corner and Sango went over to her companion. She placed a slim hand on the girl's forehead.  
  
"She's not feverish." She reported back to them. Inuyasha looked grim.  
  
"I'm going to go to her time and investigate. You guys watch over her." They nodded in their agreement and he lifted the flap over the exit and left the hut.  
  
With hanyou speed, he shot over to the well, wondering what could have gotten Kagome so shook up. While she wasn't exactly calm during a big battle, it wasn't easy to faze the girl, especially to a point where she nearly had a nervous breakdown. Inuyasha pulled himself down the well to the time portal to the future and ignored the feeling of weightlessness that completely took over his body.  
  
When he felt the firm ground beneath his feet once more, he knew he wasn't in the Sengoku Jidai...but he wasn't so sure if he was in Kagome's time. The air here was stale and the decay of death clung to every breath he inhaled. The familiar well-house roof over his head was absent, replaced by an orange and chocolate-hued sky. He shook off the intense nervousness that threatened to take over his body and pushed his natural instincts at bay. He leapt from the well and suddenly understood the cause of Kagome's condition.  
  
Replacing the annoying noise of the never-ending traffic in the city was a booming silence that unnerved him to no end. There were no vendors calling out their sales in the markets. Gone were the children squealing and giggling in the park while their mothers watched on carefully and conversed with one another. No business men or school girls rushed through the crowds in an attempt to arrive at their destinations on time.  
  
The buildings that had once stood so fiercely against the skyline were crumbled and falling apart, and their debris littered the streets and sidewalks. Everything seemed to be a dark yellow color. No bright green grass or vivid blue birds testified to the obvious life that once populated the city. The ground was barren and a warm, stale wind blew bitter dust into Inuyasha's face, causing him to lift the sleeve of his haori to protect his eyes.  
  
Finally, Inuyasha snapped to attention and allowed his feet to carry him to Kagome's now-dilapidated home. In the kitchen were a few piles of ashes surrounded by layers of cloth. Kneeling down next to the nearest pile of ash, Inuyasha prodded the cloth and hesitantly lifted it to his nose. His eyes widened in shock as he recognized the scent of Kagome's younger brother, Souta. Grimly, Inuyasha stood up and didn't even try to guess what the other two piles were.  
  
As far as he could tell, Kagome's entire world had been destroyed in some sort of battle. His natural instincts finally snapped him from his reverie and he found himself shuddering in fear. Is this what was to come of man?  
  
In an instant, he was soaring over the barren yard and back down the well. Once safely back in his home time, he gratefully took large gasps of the refreshing cool air, untainted by pollutants. He gulped it in for a few minutes and allowed himself to become intoxicated for a moment before regaining his senses and speeding back to Kagome.  


* * *

  
  
Kagome groaned and reached an arm to her head. The voices she had heard were swirling together into coherent words and sentences. She blinked her heavy eyelids and allowed her eyes a moment to adjust to the new light and to focus all the colors. Miroku, Sango, and Inuyasha sat before her, all watching her with concerned eyes.  
  
"Are you feeling better, Kagome-chan?" Sango asked gently.  
  
"Why...what..." Kagome's eyes widened in shock as the memories hit her like a load of bricks. Everyone from home was dead. The houses were destroyed, the people were annihilated, and everything that was the foundation of her life had crumbled into nonexistence. Her old hometown looked similar to pictures of Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Americans dropped the bombs.  
  
She honestly had no idea that international relationships had come to such an extreme low that war was the only option. Then again, the governments in her time were never hesitant about going into war. And then it hit her...nuclear radiation! She had gone back, breathed in the air, stepped on the land, touched the decaying walls of her former home. Who knew what sort of radiation she had brought back with her?  
  
Kagome vaguely recalled the types of radiation from Chemistry...alpha and beta and others. Which was the one that killed quicker? Which acted in the body and which acted in the reproductive systems, causing mutations in any offspring? Which type of radiation resulted from the A-bomb? Kagome began hyperventilating once more and her friends crept closer to her.  
  
"NO!" She screamed, and jumped away from them. "You have to stay away from me! You could get it!" She screeched, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her friends shot each other confused looks and their eyes roamed to her once more with worry. "You...you don't understand..." she sobbed. Her knees gave out underneath her and she slid down the wall to the ground. She was....alone. Her mom, Sota, Grandpa, Houjo, Eri, Ayumi, Yuka...they were all dead. Piles of ashes. Nothing left.  
  
They crept around her once more, reaching for her, but she screeched again for them to stay away from her. "I've been exposed to radiation! It could kill you all! I can't believe I even came back here! I just...I was shocked...I...couldn't believe it..." Kagome once more became side-tracked, marveling in shock at what she had discovered. How long ago had it happened? How long was her family dead before she walked among their death sites so disrespectfully?  
  
Inuyasha's arm found itself resting on her shoulder and she jerked away, causing him to grimace. "Kagome, what's this...raydeeshun? Why is it so dangerous to go back to your time?" Kagome stared into his amber orbs for a moment, before letting out a shuddering breath.  
  
"I think...I think what happened was the world went to war again."  
  
"The entire world went to war?" Sango asked with disbelief. Kagome had made sure to give them all lessons on the geography of their current Sengoku Jidai world. They knew that their little Japan was merely a tiny fraction of all the landmasses. To imagine so many people warring with one another was mind-boggling.  
  
"Yes." Kagome said grimly. "Even in the future, when humans are supposedly more civilized, we cannot accept each other's differences and insist on destroying our own kind."  
  
"Moving on..." Inuyasha grumbled impatiently, motioning for her to continue.  
  
Kagome took a deep breath. "Radiation is a powerful poison in my time...It results from these weapons we use. They're called bombs, and they result in huge explosions that can kill many people at a time. We've...we've used science. Chemicals and knowledge of the world on a whole new level...atoms and molecules and such. These bombs...they release nuclear energy and radiation...you wouldn't know what that is. I can't explain it," She said, struggling to find the right words.  
  
"These bombs have been dropped on Japan before, almost 50 years ago. It was absolute chaos. Destruction was instantaneous. The range of the bomb burned and destroyed everything for miles, and even around that area, destruction was common. The survivors suffered from so many symptoms. Women treated after the explosion were found to have the patterns of their kimonos warped into their skin. By the end of that year, nearly 140,000 people had died. Survivors continued to suffer from both physical and psychological tribulations for many years after. And now....now..." She had said all of this with an eerily calm and soft tone before, but now it all seemed to weigh upon her once more and she choked on her words, sobbing into herself, arms tightly knit around the knees she clutched to her chest.  
  
The group remained silent around her, uncomfortable and ignorant of how to help this girl overcome the overwhelming grief that obviously troubled her so.

* * *


	2. Denial

Hours passed. A deep inky blackness had flooded the sky and sprinkled it with an uneven smattering of stars. The harsh sobs that had been heard coming from the old miko's hut had long since faded away. Inside Kaede's hut, Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku sat in a circle, their grim countenances illuminated by the flickering fire in between them. In the corner, a lumpy form under some heavy blankets was breathing slowly and heavily, a sure sign that Kagome had long since fallen asleep, Shippo snuggling in her arms. Kaede had gone out to help a young village woman through a long and difficult labor an hour ago.  
  
The three sat awake, whispering to one another in hushed tones as to not awaken the sleeping girl in the corner.  
  
"Can you imagine what Kagome-sama must be feeling right now? Not just to lose a friend or a family member, but the entire species of one's population?" Miroku said sadly. To know that in the future, man would continue to become so corrupted and power-hungry that they would resort to destroying their entire world sickened him inside. It appeared there was no hope for man.  
  
Inuyasha and Sango sat in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.  
  
Sango remembered the pain of learning that her entire village had been destroyed. It had nearly torn her apart inside. She remembered the pain of being the only one left and the thought that she alone would have to carry on the traditions of the taijyas. Then she had discovered that Kohaku still lived, though always under the control of their dreaded foe, Naraku. Knowing that she wasn't alone had done wonders for her. Although she had made progress, thanks to her new friends, inside she had remained depressed and angry. It was knowing that there was still a chance for Kohaku that had instilled her with a new hope and determination to save her sibling's soul. She resolved that Kagome needed them more than ever, and Sango would make herself always available for a long talk with the girl.  
  
Inuyasha's eyes were on Kagome's sleeping shape in the corner, watching over her with a film of concern over his eyes. This would not be an easy journey for her. If anyone knew what it was to be lonely, it was him. His ears twitched slightly when Kagome moaned in her sleep and rolled over to face him. Her lids fluttered a bit, and her mouth was etched in a frown, but her heavy breathing confirmed that she was still asleep.  
  
-She's having a nightmare.- He thought to himself. –She should get used to it. There'll be a lot of them from now on.-

* * *

A few more hours passed. Sango and Miroku had also gone to sleep, and Inuyasha was now leaning against the wall by the door, his head against his chest, and that half-sleep state where he remained coherent and alert to the world around him, but allowed him to get some rest, as well.  
  
Kagome's eyes fluttered open, and she took a moment to remember her dream. Her eyes sparkled with hope and she stood up, careful not to wake the sleeping kitsune. She slipped on some shoes and carefully crept from the hut.  
  
Immediately after she left, Inuyasha's eyes shot open and he stood up, turning to follow her. Cautious not to tip her off of his presence, he crept after her, stepping softly and quietly. She was walking, but she obviously had a destination in mind as she had a somewhat quick and determined step. He allowed her to continue on her walk, thinking that some fresh air and time to herself could do her some good.  
  
When they entered the familiar clearing, he realized where she was going. She pulled one leg over the edge of the well before he leapt to her and held her shoulder, pulling her back.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked loudly with an accusing tone.  
  
He saw guilt pass over her eyes, only to be quickly replaced with anger. "What do you think I'm doing?" She yelled back, just as loudly. "I'm going back home!"  
  
"Oh, no you're not, Wench!" He exclaimed fiercely.  
  
"But I have to!" She screeched, trying to push him away from her unsuccessfully.  
  
"WHY?" He demanded, grabbing both of her shoulders and turning her to face him. She refused to look him in the eye, and he felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Why wouldn't she look at him? What was going on with her?  
  
Kagome continued to struggle, but he wouldn't let her go. "Kagome, there still might be raydeeshun there, and I can't let you get sick, or even sicker if you got whatever it is!"  
  
"I DON'T CARE!" She screamed loudly, causing his ears to flatten themselves against his hair in pain.  
  
"DON'T YOU SEE, OR ARE YOU TOO STUPID!?" She demanded of him.  
  
Trying to keep from looking as hurt as he felt, he said quietly, "Maybe I am too stupid. What is it that I can't see?" He asked, pain clearly dripping from his tone.  
  
"They're still alive!" She said, and finally her eyes met with his. His eyes widened in shock. She actually believed that they were still alive. All anger had left her voice, only to be replaced with a soft hope that made him feel a drop in the pit of his stomach. Taking advantage of his shock, Kagome screamed, "SIT!" and he went crashing down to the floor. She once again pulled a leg of the edge of the well, before a voice stopped her.  
  
"No, Kagome-chan. They are not alive. They are dead." An old voice croaked through the trees and Kagome turned around, eyes wild and glassy. The old miko crept from the trees, using a bow to aid her aged walk.  
  
"You don't understand, Kaede-obaa-chan. I had a dream! They're still alive! They ran to the basement when the bomb hit, but the destruction blocked all the exits and now they're trapped! They need me!" She yelled.  
  
Kaede held out her arms and seized Kagome's shoulders. She looked Kagome straight in the eye. Many times had Kaede dealt with this type of reaction to death. Women who had lost husbands to war or children to disease that simply refused to accept that they had lost their loved ones. They continued to search for their husbands at their meeting places, or called for their children to come in from play long after they had died.  
  
While Inuyasha struggled to stand under the subduing spell, Kaede spoke in a gentle, yet firm voice. "They are gone, Kagome. You must accept that. Inuyasha found their remains."  
  
"NO!" She screamed. She began thrashing about in Kaede's grasp, demanding to be released. By now, Inuyasha's "sit" had worn off and he jumped up and wrapped himself around the hysterical Kagome. This way, if she "sat" him, he would just pull her down with him. Hopefully, in her delirious state, she would recognize that.  
  
"No no no no no no no..." Kagome chanted, like a mantra, over and over again. She had stopped struggling and now just hung limply in Inuyasha's strong embrace. Soon, her eyes shut and Inuyasha picked her up, holding her tightly to his chest. What was going on with her? She seemed so...out of touch with reality. She actually believed that her family was still alive.  
  
The thought chilled him, and it only now struck him to severity of the painful journey through which Kagome was about to suffer.

* * *

Inuyasha strode briskly through the forest that was named after him, allowing his nose to lead him to Kagome's whereabouts. She had made much progress in the last month. It had taken a lot of time and support from her friends, but it was finally seeping in that her family was gone. He knew that sooner than he liked, she would have to rebuild her emotional foundation.  
  
He stopped in front of Goshinboku and looked up. He saw the familiar flash of green that told him Kagome was perched in a relatively low branch. He was a bit surprised that she had gotten up on her own, and pushed down the irritation he felt that she had done something that could possibly hurt her.  
  
"Are you going to come up here and join me or stand there watching me all day?" She called down. He shook his head clear of thoughts and leapt up to the branch. Kagome had moved slightly forward to allow him room and he leaned back against the bark of the trunk. Kagome snuggled warmly into his open arms, and he wrapped them tightly around her. She knew she wouldn't fall as long as she had his strong arms around her, protecting her from the hard ground below.  
  
"How did you get up here?" Inuyasha asked gently. Kagome scoffed.  
  
"You forget that I grew up around this tree. I've been climbing it since I was seven. My mom used to yell at me when I-." She stopped, pushing back the pain she inevitably felt.  
  
They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of the wind whistling gently through the trees and the buzzing silence that nipped at their ears. Suddenly, a beautiful young mejiro landed on the branch, a few feet away from Kagome. She watched in fascination as it cocked its head at her, the bright yellow splash on its forehead giving it a beautiful dash of color. Its small, black, beady eyes, drowning in pools of white bore into her for a moment, before deeming her acceptable. It bobbed its head, using its curved black bill to search for food in a crevice of the bark.  
  
Kagome moved forward slightly and the bird, now spooked, spread its olive- green wings and flew off.  
  
Kagome leaned back into Inuyasha and closed her eyes. There was beauty in the world, despite the deaths of her family.  
  
-And they are dead.- She thought bitterly, failing to cover the tears pooling in her eyes. It hurt so badly, still. When she remembered her loved ones, a hurricane of emotions overwhelmed her to the point where she couldn't think straight. Inuyasha saved her from this hurricane.  
  
Was it just her, or had his arms tightened around her waist? 


	3. Anger

Kagome walked swiftly and silently through the woods, keeping her mind steady and clear of emotion. She scowled slightly. Though much prettier and less conspicuous than her old school-girl's sailor uniform, her new short kimono allowed her a decreased range of movement for her legs. She realized why Sango had legs on her taijiya's outfit instead of a skirt. The traditional wooden sandals were hard and uncomfortable, unlike her old, soft leather shoes, and Kagome found her thoughts lingering to the hot springs not too far from camp for a nice foot rub.  
  
These thoughts alone were enough to remind her of the comforts of the future, and she felt the recently familiar rage bubble up within her unexpectedly. Her pace increased, and within a short duration of time, she found herself in a clearing. Acting with quick determination, she pulled the dagger from within her obi stood in front of a tree. She pulled her pale arm back, and with a slight grunt, she forced the blade into the weathered, yet strong bark of the tree. A few moments later, a target was crudely scratched into the bark had been natural and unbroken for many years before it met the wrath of Higurashi Kagome.  
  
She calmly placed the dagger back within her robes and turned around, walking away. When there was approximately 100 feet between her and the towering tree, Kagome stopped and turned to face it. With delicate grace, almost as if she were painting a picture or dancing the ballet, she pulled her arm behind her and plucked an arrow from her quiver. Her eyes narrowed to the center of the target. Then, she looked down to the arrow within her slender fingers.  
  
The fletchings were made from lightweight bird feathers, as all traditional arrows had been. She brushed her fingers over the soft whisps before letting her eyes rove over the shaft and pile. The pile had been chipped from stone. What it lost in slickness it made up for in strength. She sighed and looked up to the target once more. 'Enough with this dilly- dallying.' She thought sternly.  
  
She pulled her longbow from over her shoulder and held it in her left hand, using her free arm to gently tuck the nock of the arrow behind the taut string. The pile rested beside the paper wrapped around the longbow as her swift eyes swept over and ordered her to lower her arms slightly for proper aim. Kagome grimaced once more and pulled the arrow back angrily, releasing it from the pressure put upon it by the longbow. The familiar purple flash of light glowed brightly before dimming down as it flew elegantly through the air and hit with great force.  
  
Kagome narrowed her eyes for a moment and saw, to her annoyance, that the arrow had only hit the target face a few inches from the center. She glared at that small distance as if to frighten the arrow into jumping to the center. She wasn't under control; that was her problem. Her emotions were getting the better of her. It had been nearly three months since she had learned of the hideous events which had taken place in the future. She had made little progress in that time, though, at least she now believed that they were dead. She wasn't lying to herself anymore; she wasn't trying to cushion the blow to her sanity.  
  
As of late, she had been seeing the faces of her loved ones in her sleep. Images of Jii-chan, Mama, Souta, Yuka, Eri, Ayumi, Houjo, all of them, had been flashing in front of her eyes. She would wake up feeling extremely cold, panting, her clothes damp with sweat and tears. It was on those nights that she would go walk in the woods, in search of a way to practice her archery. She cast her eyes to the stars, so clear and brilliant here in the Sengoku Jidai, and bit her lip in frustration. Why couldn't she just move on? Why were they haunting her so? She fiercely wiped away an angry tear and looked to the target once more.

* * *

"Kagome-chan! Come and see your new baby brother!"  
  
Kagome looked up from her crayons and paper with a wide grin (which was currently missing the two front teeth). Her eyes sparkled and she shot up, her art piece forgotten. She ran to Jii-chan, who was waiting (rather impatiently) at the door of the hospital room. She jumped inside and saw her mom, eyes half-closed in exhaustion, with a weak smile upon the bed. In her arms was a small bundle wrapped in a blue blanket.  
  
Kagome climbed upon the bed next to her mother and snuggled softly beside her.  
  
"Kagome," her mother said softly, "Meet you new brother, Souta."  
  
Souta's face was all red and scrunchy, his eyes shut tight and his face in an unpleasant expression. Kagome's eyes widened in awe as she shifted to get a closer look. "Souta." She said in the same soft tone as her mother.  
  
Mama Higurashi wrapped her free arm around Kagome's slim frame and held her children close to her. They were all she had now.  
  
"You two are my life," she whispered soothingly. "I love you with all that I have. We'll be fine."  
  
Kagome, attention stolen by her new baby brother, was ignorant of her mother's soft tears.

* * *

"Ouch!" Kagome wailed, rubbing the sore spot on her head.  
  
"Mmspph..." Mama Higurashi mumbled through a mouthful of hair pins. Swiftly tucking her daughter's raven tresses into a pretty, yet simple weave, she quickly dispensed the rest of the clips to hold the hair in place and sighed in relief.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dear." She said, now able to speak. "But now..." She said with a grin as she tucked two elegant chopsticks into her daughter's hair, "We're finished." The chopsticks had been given to her by her mother when she was a young child, going to her first New Year celebration. They were engraved with a graceful vine pattern that crept its way smoothly up the long stalks and would shoot out into a blooming flower every so often. At the tips, the vine exploded into an extremely detailed cherry blossom with a sparkling oval of ruby in the center.  
  
Carefully helping her six-year-old to her feet so as to not ruffle the beautiful kimono, she led the young child to her vanity mirror. Kagome's mouth opened slightly as she leaned in closely.  
  
"They're so pretty, Mama." She said happily.  
  
"They were given to me when I was your age by my mama," Mama Higurashi replied with a smile. Now that Kagome was ready, she ran to her closet and pulled out a silk kimono in deep greens and blues. After she had changed into the slim-fitting robes, and tied the wraps in the correct fashion, she kneeled down next to Kagome at her mirror.  
  
She pulled out her makeup set and began applying light layers of eye paints, lip paints, and slight dabs of rogue.  
  
"Mama, what are you doing?" Kagome asked with curiosity.  
  
"I'm putting on makeup," she replied casually as she finished her face and began knotting up her own fairly long tresses in a similar fashion to Kagome's. Her style was much simpler and faster than what she had created with her daughter's hair, and she finished shortly.  
  
"Can I try some?"  
  
Mama Higurashi smiled widely. She pulled her daughter close to her and dabbed a bit of pink lip paint on her small, petal-shaped lips. Then she applied an extremely light layer of pale blue eye paint and smiled.  
  
"Now, I look pretty, like you Mama."  
  
Mama Higurashi embraced her daughter tightly to her, inhaling the fresh scent of youth and energy she always radiated.  
  
"I love you, Kagome."  
  
"I love you, too, Mama."

* * *

"See ya!" Kagome shouted, running through the kitchen door and out into the courtyard. If she didn't hurry up, she'd be late to class! She was nearly at the steep steps that led down to the street when something at the well shrine caught her eye.  
  
"Hey, Souta!" She shouted.  
  
"Sis?" He replied.  
  
"You're no s'pposed to play in the mini-shrine!" She scolded him. How many times her Jii-chan lectured them about going into the creaky old shack? Her little brother never seemed to learn.  
  
"But...Buyo...he's..." He said, pointing to the open well-house.  
  
"In the well-house?" Kagome asked in disbelief. How did the obese cat manage it's way into the well-shrine that was always kept closed?  
  
"Buuuuyooooo!" They called in unison for their cat. They crept softly in, ignoring the floorboards creaking below their feet.  
  
"He's somewhere down there..." Souta said wistfully.  
  
"So go down there and get him!" Kagome said. She was going to be late!  
  
"But...doesn't this place sorta give you...the creeps?" Souta said fearfully.  
  
"What are you, scared? You're a boy, aren't you?" She asked smugly.  
  
His face flushed scarlet and he was about to reply when a scratching noise from below stole their attention.  
  
"There's something down there!" Souta screeched, cowering behind Kagome's figure. Kagome rolled her eyes.  
  
"Like, oh, say, our cat?" She asked sarcastically. Souta remained where he was, and Kagome stood up, exasperated, and clomped down the old stairs. If she didn't end this now, both of them would get in trouble for tardiness. The scratching noise started again, and Kagome looked to where it seemed to be coming from.  
  
"Huh....it's coming from inside the well? You've gotta be kidding me..." She said, looking to the boards of wood that covered the well. Suddenly, something big brushed up against her legs. She screamed loudly and threw her hands up to protect herself. When nothing attacked her, she slowly lowered them. "Huh? Buyo?" She picked up the large cat with difficulty.  
  
"Don't yell like that!!!" Souta shouted. "You scared me!!" Kagome rolled her eyes.  
  
"You little..." Her sentence remained unfinished, though, as behind her, the boards covering the well snapped apart and two long, slender, pale arms roughly grabbed her shoulders and she was pulled back, Buyo jumping from her arms.  
  
The last thing she heard was Souta's scared cries before she was enveloped by the blue and green sparkling lights.

* * *

"Really? You think he likes me?" Kagome asked dubiously, a fry held right before his mouth.  
  
"Ya!" Yura and Eri exclaimed. The three girls, along with Ayumi, sat at their favorite booth at Wacdanald's chatting about school and boys. The specific boy that was currently under scrutiny was Houjo-kun.  
  
"No..." Kagome said. All of the girls of both A and B class were obsessed with the boy's sparkling looks and personality. Why would he be interested in her?  
  
Just then, Houjo-kun walked up to their booth, a wrapped package in his arms.  
  
"Higurashi!" He called cheerfully, briskly walking up to her. "I'm glad you're feeling better after that bad bout of syphilis. Kagome blushed furiously. 'Jii-chan...'  
  
He held out the package and watched as she unwrapped it with uncertainty. "A loufa?" She asked, looking up to him.  
  
"It's very good for your skin!" He said, still radiating with young naivete.  
  
"Uh...thank you." She said slowly. Maybe Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi had a point. Argh, this was all wrong! She didn't need some young, schoolboy crush getting in the way of her potential relationship with Inuyasha!  
  
"It's nothing. Try to feel better!" He called over his shoulder as he waved goodbye. Kagome gave him a small wave in response, then, when he was out of ear-shot, she groaned.  
  
"This is the last thing I need."  
  
"What are you talking about? Houjo-kun is the best-looking guy at school!" Yuka claimed, and she and Eri swooned.  
  
Kagome just rolled her eyes and finally brought her attention back to her food.  
  
Later that night, Kagome spoke with her grandfather.  
  
"Jii-chan, did you call me in sick with syphilis?!" Kagome asked loudly.  
  
"Yes," he said proudly. "I was in the library finding books on diseases and I found a great one about sexually transmitted diseases!"  
  
Kagome groaned. There was no reason to yell at Jii-chan. After all, he was being so sweet by calling her in every morning that she was in the Sengoku Jidai. After all, inevitable, he was going to run out of "normal" diseases. Kagome sighed.  
  
"Thanks, Jii-chan." She said, and gave him a hug.  
  
"Anytime, Kagome." He said, returning the embrace.

* * *

Kagome's hands shook; her breath was fast and uneven. Tears began welling in her eyes, then spilling over and leaving shiny trials down her cheeks. She shook her head angrily and aimed another arrow. Screaming loudly, she released it and fell to her knees, not caring if it had struck or not. She sobbed into her chest, trying to overcome the anger that was threatening to overwhelm her.  
  
"WHY?" She screamed, looking at the stars. "WHY DID YOU ALL LEAVE? WHY?!?!" She sobbed, choking over her words.  
  
"YOU LEFT ME SO I ONLY HAVE THIS LIFE LEFT!!! YOU ALL ABANDONED ME!!!! I HATE YOU!!!" She sobbed. Tears were running down her cheeks and she was shaking and gasping for air. She curled up into herself in the damp grass, sobs wracking through her small body.  
  
She laid there for a while, sobbing, before she felt her hair being gently tucked behind her ear. She felt arms wrap around her in an embrace and immediately accepted the hug, wrapping her arms tightly around the person.  
  
She heard the soothing sounds of comfort that her friend had made and allowed herself to be rocked back and forth until most of her tears and anger had ebbed away. They stayed there together, silent, for a while.  
  
"Everything's going to be alright."  
  
"I know. Thank you, Sango."  
  
"It's alright. I know the pain."  
  
"I know."  
  
Sango held Kagome for a little bit longer until she realized that she had fallen asleep. She kneeled down and wrapped the girl's arms around her own shoulders, then picked up her legs on both of her sides. She rose and began to head back to camp. As she passed the tree, she noticed two arrows stuck stubbornly within the bark. One was a few inches off-center, and the other had been perfectly aimed, stuck right in the middle.  
  
She walked back through the forest until she arrived to the campsite. Miroku and Inuyasha looked up as she walked around the fire and placed Kagome's sleeping form on her sleeping bag.  
  
"Thank you for letting me go after her, Inuaysha.' She said gratefully. He just scoffed.  
  
"Where was she?" Miroku asked, his face illuminated by the flickering firelight.  
  
"She was in the field. She had been practicing her archery, but I found her crying on the grass. She'll be fine for now." She said, casting a glance over her shoulder. Shippo had already, in his sleep, moved next to Kagome and her arms had wrapped around him naturally.  
  
The three sat there in silence for a while, watching the flames and all deep in thought.  
  
For the first time in many nights, Kagome sleep was undisturbed. 


	4. Bargaining

A loud roar echoed through the sky, and moments later, it was accompanied by a flash of bright white light ripping through the sky. The grey, overcast sky did not lift the group's spirits as the trudged along the dirt road, not a tree or shelter in sight. Moments later, the inevitable heavy splashes of water fell from the sky and it steadily increased until it was pouring down on the group.  
  
Before the rain had started, the group had remained silent, all inwardly begging the kami to allow a quick and unobstructed passage to the town that the rumors of the Shikon no kakera led them to. Now, it was a heavy downpour, and the hanyou of the group began to notice irritably that the humans had begun to lag behind.  
  
"What's your problem?" He snapped gruffly, and muttered about 'weak humans' under his breath.  
  
"I'm very sorry, Inuyasha," Miroku said without humor. "But the road has become thick and muddy, and we're having some problems trudging through it."  
  
A look behind him verified that as he watched Kagome (Shippo held protectively to her chest), Sango, and Miroku struggling their ways through the heavy road. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and slowed his pace for them uncharacteristically, which did not go by unnoticed by Kagome. A small smile of appreciation was his reward.  
  
"Keh."  
  
The group continued on at their slow pace in silence, the humans wondering when they could stop, but realizing that there was no where to bid them protection from the rain. Inuyasha stared directly at the ground beneath him as he walked, silently brooding.  
  
'Stupid humans...I'll bet they want to stop. If I were by myself, I'd be at that damned village by now. But...if I were by myself, Kagome wouldn't be here, with me...er...to detect the shards.'  
  
Kagome's sneeze interrupted his thoughts.  
  
'Damn. Is she getting sick?'  
  
She sniffled loudly.  
  
'I'll bet she is. Damn weak humans.'  
  
Kagome tensed for a second, and Inuyasha looked at her from the corner of his eye. She gave him a guilty sideways glance, but when she saw that he was watching, she blushed furiously and her eyes quickly darted to the ground beneath her.  
  
'She's holding it in, but I can tell she needs to cough.'  
  
"Oi. Wench." He said gruffly. She looked up, eyes wide, in response. "Are you okay?" He said, failing to cover the concern in his voice.  
  
"I'm fine." She said, a slight cough slipping in between the two words. She sniffled again, and Inuyasha looked to the kitsune in her warm, welcoming, loving embrace. The young child was held up against her chest, fast asleep, two handfuls clutched at the top of her kimono. Inuyasha rolled his eyes.  
  
"Don't lie, Wench." He said exasperated, as he shrugged off his bright red, firerat haori. He gently draped it over her shoulders and she gave him a grateful smile. "I can't have you getting sick. Then who would find the shards?"  
  
For a nanosecond, a hurt look flitted across her features. That was quickly replaced by an angry expression; finally, she sighed and looked down to the ground. Behind them, Miroku placed a hand over his eyes and groaned while Sango just shook her head and rolled her eyes. A silence once again filled the air between the four travelers and two sleeping demons.  
  
They continued to walk in the pouring rain for another hour or so before they luckily came across an inn and, for the small payment of a room for the night and a warm meal, Miroku provided them relief from that horrible cloud of evil he had seen hovering above their home. For once, no one complained about his cons and tricks.

* * *

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. With a muttered, "Keh," he had left the room that the group shared and was outside, sitting on the roof and looking at the full moon, a brilliant fluorescent white, partially covered with thin, frayed clouds. Beams of moonlight forced through the clouds and formed irregular patterns of light and dark on the ground.  
  
Before he had met Kagome, Inuyasha never would have appreciated the beauty of the sight he had come upon when he left to sit on the roof. As it was, he felt his breath catch in his throat and stared at the bright, huge orb with awe. Had anyone needed him, he was merely a leap away, but for now, the inu-hanyou was by himself and let the quiet serenity of this scene settle over him like a fog.  
  
Inside, Miroku was telling the girls and Shippo about a certain demon he had come across before he had joined with Inuyasha, Shippo, and Kagome; Kirara lay curled up in the corner of the room, in kitten form, sleeping peacefully. Kagome paid rapt attention to the young monk as he continued on about a demon that performed extraordinary feats in exchange for young girls' innocence.  
  
"How do these young girls call the demon to them?" Kagome asked, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Oh," Miroku said, waving his kazaana-cursed hand dismissively. "They leave some small trinket or sacrifice. Usually they dress solely in pure white, headdress and all, to show the brightness of their purity. It can be found anywhere, but purity especially attracts it."  
  
Miroku took a side glance to Kagome, and questioned her of her interest in that certain demon. He warned her that the encounters young girls had set up almost never ended well for them, and that these things could become quite troublesome. Kagome just waved it off, saying that it was mere boredom that had caused her to question.  
  
"If it's purity that attracts it, then I guess you've never had a problem with it coming to you, Houshi-sama," Sango remarked sharply, still rubbing a hand over her recently caressed backside.  
  
Miroku just held his head high, as though offended, and replied, "Sango- san, I resent that you believe me to be so impure."  
  
"Well, I seem to remember, _Houshi-sama_, a certain purity barrier that gave you quite some trouble crossing at a certain Mt. Hakurei."  
  
The monk's haughty reply dulled into the background as Kagome's mind raced furiously. A demon that could perform amazing feats...could it be...was it possible...?  
  
The monk put out the fire from the center of the room and the group set up for sleep. Kagome snuggled into her sleeping bag with Shippo, but she felt far too restless to stay still. When she listened, she heard the heavy breathing of the other four in the room. She was sure they were asleep and gently, silently pulled herself from her bedding and stood. She gave a side- glance to the large yellow bag sitting brightly next to her sleeping bag, and before she knew it, she was pulling out a white sheet.  
  
She didn't know why she brought that out. She had brought the cloth with her back from her last visit to use as a sheet over her sleeping bag on nights that were too warm for the heavy bedding and too cold for no bedding at all. She efficiently folded it up and tucked it into her obi, then stole away to a creek she had seen near to the inn.  
  
Kagome had been absent from the room only for a moment before the monk opened his eyes and cast a glance to the sliding door, his lips thin and his face tight in a grim expression. 'She hasn't moved on yet. She puts on a happy, cheerful face. She pretends like nothing ever happened. But she hasn't moved on.' The monk stood up, plucked his staff from the corner, careful not to wake the sleeping fire cat who had been tucked right beside it, and followed the young girl from the obliterated future out the door.  
  
Inuyasha watched as Kagome quickly left the inn, followed only a moment later by the monk. 'What's going on...' he thought. 'He'd better not try anything on her.' His eyes widened with shock, and an instant later, he was off after the two.

* * *

Kagome looked all around her to make sure that she truly was alone as she knelt by the small, sparkling stream. She had found a nice spring in a clearing that was surrounded by thick, dense forest on all sides. The clearing was completely free of trees and allowed the moon's beams to illuminate the area around her. She stared at the reflection of the moonlight on the surface of the water, her eyes wide and glassy, lost in her thought. How she missed them all so! It wasn't as bad as the first night. She wasn't beside herself with grief. She didn't feel lost in a swirling void of pain and angst and blackness. But part of her was missing. She began to feel empty. On the group's long journeys to find more Shikon no kakera, she found herself asking silent questions. If she were to lose a body part in the process, would she sacrifice it to have her family back? What would she sacrifice to have her family back? The thoughts reminded her of a phrase from a romance novel she had read some time ago.  
  
_Have you ever lost someone who meant more to you than your own soul?  
_  
Kagome hadn't lost someone. She'd lost over 6 billion someones. Three of whom she'd give up her own soul for. If she had the chance, would she give up her own soul to give her mother, her brother, and her grandfather a chance to live again? She knew she would. But she resolved that if she ever learned of the opportunity, she would wait until she had collected all of the Shikon no kakera and give the completed jewel to Inuyasha to sacrifice herself. It was, after all, her fault that the jewel was in shards.  
  
But...but this new demon...it only took innocence, not lives or souls. Kagome was more than willing to give that up if it meant that she could have Souta, Jii-chan, and Mama back. She placed the sheet over her head as a headdress. She had no pure white kimonos, but her soft blue and green patterned dress would have to do. Gently pulling a ring from her finger, she placed it in front of her as the trinket.  
  
As she knelt in a humble position, head bowed, she wondering what the monk had meant by 'innocence.' Would the demon take her virginity? She shivered at the thought, but knew it was something she must sacrifice. But...was it virginity? Or was it a different sort of innocence? Would the demon take innocence and purity of the soul? Would she become like Kikyou, the undead miko, seeing the earth through emotionless eyes, body filled with nothing but hatred?  
  
She shook the thought from her mind. It wouldn't matter.

* * *

"Monk, where the hell are you going? What is going on? Why did Kagome run out of the inn?" Inuyasha made himself apparent to Miroku just as she had been entering the line of trees. Miroku looked up to the inu-hanyou and sighed.  
  
"I told Kagome about a certain demon who grants extraordinary desires in exchange for a young girl's innocence. I was just talking to the group, and she seemed really interested in it. I think...I think she might-."  
  
Inuyasha cut off the monk. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why would you tell her that? You _know_ she would give up anything to have her family back!" He gave the monk no time to reply as he leapt into the trees and followed Kagome's scent. Miroku ran after him, keeping up with him on the ground.  
  
A moment later, he found Kagome in a clearing, her eyes wide and glassy. Miroku put a hand in front of Inuyasha to stop him from running to her. He put a finger to his lips to indicate for him to be silent, and slowly crept forward. Inuyasha just scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest, brooding. Miroku came up behind Kagome and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Kagome-sama." Kagome didn't jump in surprise when Miroku put his hand on her shoulder. Her head bowed slightly, and a tear dropped from her face. Her shoulders jerked a few times, and in an instant, she spun around into Miroku's chest and sobbing.  
  
He held her to him and soothed her while Inuyasha watched. What was he feeling? It wasn't...jealousy, exactly. He bristled slightly at the thought of Miroku touching Kagome, and he didn't see why it had to be Miroku in place of him who went up to the girl and comforted her. He watched as she sobbed into the young monk and he held her to his chest. He'd already comforted the girl. As had Sango. Now it was Miroku's turn. He saw it then. Bit by bit, all of them were helping her through her mourning.  
  
With one last look to the two people kneeling in front of the stream, he jumped into a nearby tree where he could still watch over them but still give them some semblance of privacy. Kagome sniveled and looked up to Miroku. "I'm sorry," she said, blushing. "I've gotten your robes wet."  
  
"Think nothing of it, Kagome-sama," Miroku said comfortingly. "I know what it is. I know what it's like to know what the right thing to do is, and because I am a holy figure, I must always follow the way of virtue." Kagome just nodded solemnly and wiped a few unwanted tears away. "But you must remember, Kagome-sama, that you are different. I have never met anyone with such a kind and gentle heart as you." Kagome blushed once more.  
  
"I just...I just want them back. More than anything else in the world, I want them to live again. I'm still willing to sacrifice myself for them. I still feel anguish whenever I think of them."  
  
"And so you will for a long time. It's hard to feel loss. And you've felt loss like no one here ever has before. But it's loss all the same. And you will move on, because you are strong. You're one of the strongest people I know, Kagome-sama, miko powers aside."  
  
"Thank you, Miroku." Kagome said, and reached over to give him another hug.  
  
"Think nothing of it, Kagome-sama."  
  
The two holy figures stood and began to leave the forest. When they passed his tree, Inuyasha leapt down to walk with them, and Kagome gave him a slight smile. Her eyes were still watery, but it was a smile nonetheless. Together, the three walked back to the inn.  
  
The next morning, they headed off again, and no one mentioned the events of the previous night. 


End file.
